“Church of God” was on the verge of moving into their sanctuary that the congregation had been praying for night after night. For the past ten years. Of course, I hadn’t attended the church for that long. In fact, that was only my third Sunday. In any case, I knew I was ready to be baptized.
I looked over at my best friend, Bryan. We had some rough patches but we kept moving forward. I suppose the worst “patch” was when Bryan decided to date Kayla. l hated her for taking away my best friend. I had a little hidden resentment for Bryan too, but I stuck by him. To this day, I don’t exactly know what kept us there, together. I blame his eyes. Those dark brown eyes as large—and quite frankly as innocent—as a puppies. I can never stay mad at those eyes. It is much too easy to get lost in them. Darker than an abyss, and deeper too. Bryan was the one person I could never quite understand. He seemed much more complex than all of the other boys. I blame his eyes for that too—for my ignorance of Bryan. They are like doors, shutting out all who want to enter his soul. I know that’s a bit melodramatic, but those eyes. They just call for drama.
“What?” Bryan asked. He always said that when I stared at him for too long. I felt my cheeks begin to warm and knew I was blushing. I'm such an idiot, staring at him like that.
“Nothing”. I had to say something so that he wouldn’t think of me as a freak. “I just don’t know what to say.” I meant for the testimony. Normally, those getting baptized have a prepared testimony but I didn’t know what a testimony should be.
“I told you already not to worry about it,” Bryan whispered. “Dad will ask you some questions if you don’t have anything prepared.” That’s right. He said “dad”. I have no idea how I got myself into liking a pastor’s kid. It doesn’t seem normal to me. See, I don’t exactly have the best track-record for guys. Me liking Bryan seemed like a miracle. Unfortunately—as it always works with my life—the first great guy I liked didn’t like me in return. He told me that strait up after I sat crying over him for hours because of his relationship with Kayla. He is still my best friend and all, but I cant help and wish he liked me as much as I liked him.
“I know, I know,” I said, “but I'm still kind of nervous.”
“There is no reason to be. We’re all family here.”
I nodded my head and continued listening to Pastor Jack, Bryans dad. He felt like my dad too, though. He surely loved me like a daughter and treated me like one too. Bryan always joked about how I had to get my own drink because I was “part of the family now and had to pull my own weight”. We both knew he was just saying that to be lazy but I didn’t mind. There was a woman speaking then. Her testimony seemed to take forever. It was a really great story and all, but I was so anxious to be baptized that I could hardly breathe.
My dad was completely against the whole idea of my being baptized. He is a hardcore catholic that doesn’t want me to love God as a Christian, but as he would. Every time I try to do something I think will be good for me, someone stands in my way. I mean, I understand why my dad didn’t want me to be baptized, but I still hated him for it. I hated going home in general. Bryan’s house was one of my few sanctuaries. His family really seemed to love and respect each other like a family should.
“The next person to be baptized is like a daughter to me.” That was my queue. It wasn’t practiced or anything, I just knew Pastor was talking about me. “Kayla, could you come up here please?”
I stood up and mechanically headed to the front of the foyer. There wasn’t a stage because this was only a temporary place to hold church services. I was sure the whole congregation could see my legs shaking. That wasn’t a bad assumption either because the entire lot of them were packed like sardines into the foyer. All seemed to fade from my mind. I even forgot why I was up there for a second. I'm normally good in the spotlight. I love speaking in public. It was just that this seemed so personal. Too personal. In any case, I knew I should say my testimony. I didn’t want to answer questions but I wanted to speak what was on my mind. On my heart. One of the deacons handed me a microphone. I nodded and mouthed the words “thank you”. The walk toward the make-shift podium seemed to take ages. I was both relieved and overwhelmed when I finally touched the uneven wood of it.
“My parents are divorced,” I began. Later I beat myself up for starting so abruptly. Everyone hushed. That only made me feel more awkward. “I took it pretty badly.” I paused. Memories flooded inside of my head of all of the stupid things I’ve done. It also, unfortunately, showed me moments of embarrassment, making me even more nervous. “I tried to compensate by distracting myself through boys or school. I’m still in every single after-school activity.”
The room laughed a little when they saw a small smile creep over my face. They were a nice crowed, gently nudging me forward with their reactions.
Then a memory entered my mind. One of my favorite memories: the first day I met Bryan. “And then my best friend Bryan Henning came into my life.”
Bryans eyes were glued to mine. Those puppy-dog brown eyes. A huge smile overwhelmed his face and his eyes began to glisten. I was so dumb not to return the smile. I was just shaking and staring at him.
Tears were forming in my eyes. The day we met wasn’t very spectacular. I just knew he was going to make an impact on me. I don’t know how I knew but I did.
“Hi, I'm Bryan,” he told me that day. It was a very abrupt greeting. He was smiling and only a foot away from me. I felt my personal space-bubble begin to burst. His huge hand was outstretched in the general direction of my own hand. I took it.
“Kayla.”
“I’m here ‘cus of Dona,” he said as if those puppy-dog eyes needed an explination. I couldn’t get over them then and I am still having trouble developing a resistance toward them.
I came back from the flashback. You are saying a testimony. I thought. You met Bryan and….what?
“He made me realize what a true friend is and gave me stability. And I wouldn’t be here today if not for him.” I quickly set the microphone down on the podium and walked to the baptismal. It made a banging noise. There was so much more I wanted to say but I knew I couldn’t stay up there for a second longer. I admit, the first time I went to youth group was because I liked Bryan. I didn’t want to learn about God or get saved or anything. I figured I had enough religion in my life. But I wasn’t prepared for that nights message. It hit me hard. I felt so condemned.
“Don’t use things to fill that void,” the youth leader almost yelled. He may not have been yelling but it felt like yelling to me. “Let God fill that void!”
I cried a lot that day and asked Christ into my heart. Bryan was beaming the whole time.
“I now baptize you,” it was Pastor Jack. I had zoned out again. His hands were over my face. I was being baptized! I had waited for this moment since MOMENTUM. “in the name of the father,”
I told Bryan I wanted to be baptized as soon as school started that Monday. He was so excited! That is until I said what my father thought of it.
“And of the son,”
Bryan was so confused as of what to do. I wanted to be baptized, but I figured I should do what Bryan said. He told me to wait and not do it until dad said it was okay. Oddly enough, a few days later Bryan told me to go for it. He said that sometimes you need to do what you feel is right. He also said not to be disrespectful about it.
“You’re eighteen. You can make your own decisions. Just tell your father out of respect. Not out of spite or anger.”
I nodded my head but I knew I would never tell my dad. Actually, I haven’t yet.
“And of the Holy Spirit.” My head plunged into the water. It was only for two seconds but it felt like longer. I was so relieved down in that tub. My problems looked like black oil seeping out of my pores. I know the blackness wasn’t really there but it felt so real. I was back into the physical realm with the lifting of my head and a burst of applause. My face was turning numb from the smile that covered it. It grew to an astronomical size. Bryan’s smile, of course, was much larger than mine. He was clapping so hard and fast. He stood up and so many others followed. I knew I would never be alone again. Especially if I had Bryan.
I guess you could say I was drawn to God by love. My love for Bryan anyways. Luckily, that love for him turned into a love for God. And I never felt alone unless I strayed. And boy have I strayed. Every time I was with another boy, I seemed to get more and more lonely. When I was with Bryan, I wasn’t. We had a pure love, one that could only exist from God. I still like him as more than friend, and he still reminds me he just wants to be friends, but we are together. And I am content.
Later that day I was at Bryans house eating his mothers famous pot-roast. Bryan was still beaming. It was the first time we were alone that whole day.
“So how did it feel?” Bryan asked, breaking the hallowed silence.
“Really good. Really, really good.”
